The Longing (Abode of Clarus)

Back when I was out in Ohio, to say the least, I was hard pressed for company and friendship. One of the better examples of this, would be that I would drive 3.5 hours in each direction to visit the closest person I knew out in Indiana. We would have poker nights, play some one on one beiruit, and savor the few Yuenglings we could smuggle from previous trips to the 'real world.'

We used to reminisce a lot about what life was like back in the fraternity. He called it, "the longing", or that unquenchable desire to have things back the way they were. Sure we would joke about it, make fun of those who exhibited symptoms of it, and swell with empathy at the same time.

I was walking around Villanova yesterday during freshman move-in. I'll admit, I probably haven't felt that lonely in a long time. Attending graduate school 'on my own,' while surrounded by freshmen meeting new people for the first time, their parents helping them unpack, even the tight shorts'd girls walking around made me realized that I didn't want to be a freshman again. The longing was something quite different. I didn't want to date those girls, or even strike up a conversation with them. What I really wanted to do was sit on a porch, with a cold beer in my hand; surrounded by my good friends watching it all happen; making fun of the girls that are fat, screaming at the cops as they drive by. Building up more insided jokes to use when the time becomes right.

The longing is about wishing for the past, Scott. It is about wishing for the company. In that respect, it's not as hopeless as you might think. Maybe it's just a road trip away.

I called stu about 30 minutes later...