Abode of Clarus

If you happen to stop by this site... it's still changing. I have a lot of work I want to do before I make it extreamly public.

I had a dream last night, which only means one thing, I drank last night, but that is not the important part of this entry. It was my dream.

As you might all know, I am in a "long term" relationship right now, which is a big step for someone with commitment issues as deep as mine. I think this dream shows just how deep my fears can be.

I have spent a lot of time deliberating on wether or not to purchase a X-Box to help cure my insanity of being alone. There are a plethora of games that I would like to commit my life to such as Fable and Burnout 3, and lest we not forget the glory that will be Halo 2 when it comes out. The prices have dropped considerably on the hardware to the point where a new system cost only $149.00. So I think for $300 I could get games controllers and the works. Granted that's half a paycheck, but still, I think it could be worth it's weight in entertainment.

A friend of mine posted in his journal that he was moody. That got me to thinking a lot about my recent mood(s), which all seem to stem from music. A certain CD can make me feel angry or upset, but it never seems to reverse it's effects after replacing the CD with another. Nine Inch Nails, Radiohead, and others have the ability to make my emotions do a complete 180 and take over my week.

I wanted to have my own post regarding the election. It seems that I know too many people who have stated the bold claim that they are going to move to Canada over this election; that Bush is going to destroy our country. I'm not compleatly sure how I feel about that statement, but what bothers me the most is not the outcome of the election, but the reasons most people claim Bush remained in office. The majority of reading that I do of my republican lesbian friends, is that the vote landed as it did because Americans were too dumb not to vote for Bush.

I won't get too specific because I lack the energy to do so. I'm back from the hospital, it ended up being acute apendicitus (although I find nothing cute about it.) Dr. Anderson (yes, I kept calling him Mr. Anderson) gave me an open apendectimy, so i've got a nice scar about 3 inches long across my right side. I spend Monday night in the hospital and expected to leave Tuesday morning, but had a few hurdles (such as getting out of bed) that I had to overcome which kept me there till about 8:00 Tuesday night.

My sister mentioned to me today that she believes in relationship Karma. I personally have always had a strange fascination with karma, because it is almost mathamaticially provable. If you do good, you will be surrounded by good things, and it's bound to return to you.

I just got finished watching "Hero" again, which is a wonderful movie; full of rich color, a entrancing soundtrack, and a unique progression of events. Rather than discuss that, however, I wanted to mention it's strong use of the word ideal.

Apple has just realeased another system update (pretty standard) # 10.3.7. Normally this would not require any mention, unless you scroll through that link and read the updates that were installed...

"... Resolves an issue in which Safari, Mail, and other networking applications.. blah blah"

"... Addresses an issue with Blizzard World of Warcraft"
"... Resolves an issue in World of Warcraft"

They are practicially preparing me for WOW!

Soon to come... don't worry!

I belive it is official. I am hooked on World of Warcraft in every bad sense of it. I spend my free time at work looking up FAQs and guides, I write post after post on my blog about it, and yes, I even think about it doing mundane tasks.

Did you every have one of those nights where you couldn't sleep. I certainly wasn't tired last night, and it wasn't even that I was restless or tossing and turning around. I just, didn't want to sleep. I didn't have any desire to close my eyes, and I guess I am paying for that this morning with a mental breakdown.

I had a long discussion with my father last night. One of those strongly needed chances that you get to express everything that is nesescary to run a family and a company. Topics ranged from airplanes and racing motorcycles to site selections of Portrait Avenue and how to run a company.

These conversations are good, although very taxing on my logic and emotions. One of the tidbits I walked away from is that MFC (my employer) matches SIMPLE IRA donations up to 3% of your Salary.

I was recently a recpeient of a phone call from the great Greg Titus (Eta class of 90 something.. 92?). A king among men, fresh off the boat from his trip to the sandy beaches of Saudi Arabia. He shall be at Lehigh Thursday night, and felt the need to inform the world of his whereabouts. Well he has reminded me that I have not mentioned to you MY whereabouts.

clarus: yippie.. my girlfriend's online
clarus: she's much better to talk to than you
Amanda: awww. love
clarus: nah.. it's lub
clarus: we haven't purchased the upgrade yet
Amanda: you should really look into it, its worth the investment
clarus: i'm still keeping my risk low

btw. Amanda is more commonly refered to as "the wife" (stu's GF)

So as you may remember, one of the things I will accomplish on my vacation tomorrow is having my motorcycle forks resprung and weighted for the race season. Now forks are fragile, so rather than shipping them, I am taking them as my carry-on. So, to prepare them for the ride I did a nice cardboard tube and bubble tape job on them.

The question remains. When airport security see what resembles two bazookas taped together made out of high grade metals with complicated innerworkings... I wonder what they will think?

I feel, since this was a massive vacation, it is deserving of multiple posts. So part 1:

It was a cold Thursday in Ohio, as I ran from my cubicle to catch my flight out of Dayton International. In shotgun was my laptop bag, a day bag, and the peculiar bazooka-like object...

Where we last left off I had narrowly avoided 'the man' by avoiding panic with my bazooka in Dayton International Airport, and was happily greeted at the baggage claim. What was left was a nice car hop into our nation's capitol, Washington DC.

Sure enough, we arrived at Lehigh in time to grab a bite to eat before heading up to the fraternity. Finially my request to be satiated by a delicious nacho platter from Denny's can come true. After driving 100 miles, I will be rewarded by crunching those tasty beef and cheese platters against my palate... but wait... there was steve...

It had been a long and bumpy morning, trying to get a gaggle of hung over frat boys out for a 1:00 PM breakfast. We ended up leaving the group in favor of Denny's where I encountered another horrible experience by traversing out of the 'standard order' of nachos.

Alas, I headed out to Goose to pick up a gargantuan sub for the superbowl party I was heading too, and off it was onto 78 and east into Jersey!

It's one of those weeks where I have so much to say that it is actually preventing me from saying it becuase i know how much effort it will be, you know, like procrastinating.

I'll try and 'pound it out' as stu would say.

Recently my middle sister got her first speeding ticket, and I started to come to terms with officers of the law. She is an unsafe driver, was doing 15 over the speed limit in a high accident area while talking on her cell phone. I have very little sympathy for her, although my empathy for the situation abounds.

However, every now and then, something happens that shows the world why police officers can be compleate dick heads.

This article is one such example.

There is a news article I picked up this morning on google news regarding a US Army deserter trying to achieve asylum in Canada.

The article can be found here:

I will dispense my opinion:

Last night I decided to start getting my bike ready for tracking this weekend. It consisted of a brake pad change, oil change, and a coolant flush. As soon as I realized that I had been shipped the wrong parts for my brake lines, I should have stopped there and just gone to bed, but instead I pressed on.

I have spent a lot of time these past few weeks trying to determine a good basis for satisfaction in your life. What makes a person content?

My father has tried very hard most of my life to get me to realize that happiness comes from being happy in your job, then other things, like money and success, come from that happiness. It created an interesting dicotomy in my mind, because I believe that, although money can come from happiness in your job, it is not it's root.

I went running last night. For the first time in over a month. It forced me (amidst excessive wheezing and straining) to realize how harshly I have treated my body. It's been a combination of emotional stress (lack of sleep, high blood pressure, excessive worrying) and physical (fast food, way too much beer, lots of WoW).

Call it being feble, but I've compleatly shut myself off ever since I flew to Philly. I can't sleep, I crave too much food, and all I want to do, when I get home from work, is play WoW and drink beer until I can pass out.

I really want to start running again, and perhaps watching what I eat, but I just can't bring myself to do anything but mope. I've contemplated taking a week off just to do nothing, get to lvl 60, and wait this storm out.

I've been contemplating calling them, but what could I get from them? If I was really good, a decision date, maybe. That would only allow me to countdown more, not get the decision here any faster. My mother recomended I make the call, just to at least be facing the right direction.

but god, this shit is tearing me apart. I feel like that James Dean quote.

Today is one of those days. You go through it thinking, "damn.. someone should make a movie about this, maybe a short story." Leonardo Decaprio would fit in right about know screaming "I am fortune's fool."

Well, it is official. Yesterday I finalized the agreement to purchase my dream car.

I've been itching to purchase this car for almost 2 years now. I've saved and dreamed, and it's finially going to become a reality. (btw, that's not the exact car I purchased)

Ok, I'll be the first guy (besides Rich Reyes) to admit that I watch "Sex and the City." Certainly not relidgiously, but when it happens to show up on TBS, I pop it on and enjoy it as I read my e-mails and such in the night.

What I have noticed, and one of the things I enjoy, is how I can relate to almost every aspect of the show. It is probably created that way on purpose, engineered to be overly cliche'.

Molsen Triple X does not mean triple the fun. On the contrary it makes your drive to work at 6:30 a felony...

There are a few things you expect to see, and a few things you don't expect to see on a Monday morning as you are reading the daily headline news. (Yes, I know that today is Thursday, I had more important things to do than update rizrar.com)

One thing you don't expect to see is an article such as this.

Well, apparently it happens to the best of us. Our beloved technological gift breaks. Something happens, a trip down a flight of stairs, a roughly handled bag, or a run in with a cup of soda. Well for me, it was nothing.

My beloved laptop, serving me well into the night, resting next to my bed until I powered it off for an evening's sleep, was in perfect condition. Purring with fans and the chachunk chachunk of hard drives seeking. Until the following evening when it cried out, Nevermore!

Batman is a common character in the overrun world of Marvel and DC movies, comics, and fan art that we have come to live in today. Far from his previous failures as a '70s slap stick, tight clad poofter, he has once again regained his title as the "black night" in his recently released to DVD feature "Batman Begins."

I am not here, however, to tell you about the amazing quality of that movie, or reminisce with you about the anticipation and skepticism that it was greeted with at the box office. Instead I would like to take this time to relate Batman as a superhero to Benjamin as a simple man.

Yea that's right... your own private box at the Wachovia Center!

I couldn't decided wether to include the sillouetted picture or the flash filled picture. Sadly though, the screen in my window made the flash filled picture less desirable.

I recently watched the movie Amelie again. I had forgotten how happy (yes and sappy) that movie makes me. It's just the right ammount of playful indie film feel with a well written story and great cinematography. One of the parts I like is as they introduce a new character, they begin a series of short cuts involving the character, one set describes their personality by a few small tasks that they like or dislike.

Judging by the picture you see, by "snow day" i mean a day that snows, not a day free from work where children frolic while mothers make hot chocolate w/ marshmallows (not those stupid "in the pack" marshmallows either, those suck, I'm talking about the true small fresh and squishy marshmallows that almost melt away in hot chocolate.... losers).

Yes, got to drive to work today (carpooled in a wondeful A4) under the careful protection of quattro. fun stuff! We ended up getting about 5 inches which then disapeared as it was followed by 2 inches of warm wet rain. So much for the winter wonderland.

I just wanted to write this to prove that I can still stay up all night... granted I could falsify this record, but I didn't.

I got to see Cronicles of Narnia tonight at the 10 pm showing (awesome) and then come home at about 1 for some heavy xBox'ing. (i won)

good weekend night.

A wonderful night, compleate with some strange drinking game (note cards on table), music, ddr, Donkey Konga, and more. We found out a drinking game to play with Tetris too. Yea, I love being a nerd.

So, I sent my laptop bag back to be replaced. (Have to have reciept of bag before issuing a refund, blah blah blah). I'll be without my bag for a good 2 weeks. Anyway, some people think like that might not be that big of a problem, but as I discovered today, I carry a whole lot of stuff.

Ohh, and yea that's also how i empty my pockets when i get home, in 90 degree angles.

Some of you find it hard to belive that I have any emotions, or most human characteristics for that matter. Well, I'll have you know, that I do in fact cry, or, more accuratly, produce a water-like substance from my tear ducts in response to emotional stress.

Well as it turns out, I don't have any pictures of me skiing. It's a new camera so I wasn't ready to bring it onto the slopes. But, it was a great time skiing, shitty weather (too hot, then too cold), but only a few good falls that have left me slightly imobile.

What did happen, however was a crazy night of debauchery with Pete's parent's friends. I don't know how to explain it on a blog like this, but lets just say that I had to stare down a 50+ year old woman as she said to me "I have 6 grandkids and i've watched my 4 kids go through college, I can out drink you." Yea, that's right. I had to reach deep down into my soul and out drink a grandmother. And I barely did it... damn.

As some of you may have noticed, I have been without my bag (European man purse) for quite some time. You see, it actually blew a seam back in november, and I finaly bit the bullet and sent it back to california to be processed for a return. Well, after 3 very grueling weeks, I have placed the order for my new bag which will be arriving sometime soon (hopefully by this weekend, but maybe not).

In all honesty, it's the exact same as my old bag, but with a new color pattern. I am, though, very grateful to be able to carry things again. It's been hard to take pictures for the site when, sometimes, I don't have a camera on me. 0.o

You know if I was still on campus, and Lytle was within ear shot... this sign wouldn't have lasted more than a weekend.

Back in the heyday of college debauchery, it just so happened that construction sites provided the best oppertunities for such activities. Of course, I was very bad at this, so i lost my clean police record, a shoe, and a hammer, in various assorted trips. Also, a leatherman...

So, Alvin H. Butz is the bain of my existance, and I will do anything to deface his legacy!

such as creating a call to all... REMOVE THIS SIGN!!

(on a side note.. wow.. this camera takes good resolution photos)

Back from snowboarding... FOR THE WIN! It was another great weekend. Spent some quality time snowboarding for the first time (complete with tackling blue (intermediate) slopes).

You may think, at first glance, that this is a victory pose, me back from kicking ass on the mountain (which I did), however upon a better glance you realize something else...

(it's a little disturbing, says Frey, so consider yourself warned)

Well, due to an overwhelming response to my post, ranging from my co-worker saying, "Man, you should get that checked out" to Laur-dawg saying, "if you don't go to the hospital I am going to knock you unconscious and drag you there," I decided to spend last night in the ER.

Yea, that's right. I spent my Valentine's Day re-soldering about 22 different connections on my xBox. That and a vigerous cleaning of my apartment. I spent a good load of time on the phone with various assorted friends and hey, I even planned a rather romantic afternoon that never came to fruition. But, hey, that's the best part about Valentine's Day.

If anyone missed out on my dashing chovanism, just give me a call. I'm felling very romantic today.

However, the best quote from the day was, "Damn, I feel like a jew on Christmas."

Happy Valentine's Day everyone (and I mean that).

I've been grossing all of you out for so long, I guess I'll stop. I could upload tons of pictures of my enormous cheeks puffed out like most squirrels from my recent wisdom tooth surgery, but instead, I'll let you in on a personal change.

Those of you that know me, know me as a creature of habit. General Tso's chicken, dial soap, and my all in one shampoo. That, has actually just changed! For the first time in my life I will actually be using a seperate shampoo and conditioner. Wow'd by the response I got upon using it at Lehigh (sorry for stealing your shampoo phil), I decided it was worth a try myself. So yes, be amazed in the difference!

Sorry for the hiatus. I have a doctor's note!

I sort of hinted that my wisdom teeth were all swollen, but the long story is that after overcoming my reaction to the vicadin (a bad reaction mind you) a few days later I found myself with an infection stretching from my gums up through my sinus. I would go as far to say that it was too much pain. So I got loaded up with antibiotics, pain meds, decongestants, and who knows what else. So here we are almost 2 weeks later and I'm trying (struggling really) to get through my first day without popping pain pills. I think by sheer determination alone, I'll get through it. So, I've been spending a lot of weeknights in bed rather than working on posts.

However, things are back on the upswing. This Monday will be the first race of the season down at VIR in Danville, VA. Forcast is saying a high of 80 degrees with a 10% chance of percipitation. Can't beat that! It'll take a while to get the cobwebs off but by the end of the day, we'll be back to tip top shape I assure you!

Wish me luck!

Yea that's right, the gang got back together. Well, maybe just a small sliver of the gang, but it was well worth it. Bob and his fiance Laura are doing well, haven't changed a bit. We must have walked for a good 3-4 hours, just catching up.

It was great to get in touch with the past. Lots of laughs had by all.

I want to preface this by saying that it's supposed to be uplifting, even though there is no picture.

My manager had a heart attack yesterday, in my cubicle. Just like that, chasing parts, got pale in the face and bam on the floor. He's fine and stable, spent the night in the hospital. I don't have an abundance of information, but I'm sure he'll be fine. Me, however, I think I'm doing great.

I feel a rejuvenation of life, like the first time you go to a wedding, or the first time you kiss a girl. I think it is a rather stereotypical response to witnessing something like that, but I feel it also links up well with some events that have happened to me in the past few weeks.

Dear Fellow denzins,

If you could be so kind, as to refrain from parking your cars long term in the small frequently used lot directly in front of the apartment complex. There are many other people who drive their cars daily and could use the spaces to a much greater efficiency than you. Please park on the far side of the lot at your next convience. These notes have been places over all of your windows to help remind you.

You know, I may be slightly OCD, but there is a line that draw around cleanliness. It normally is around excessive cleaning and removal of trash that isn't mine. So, since I normally do most of the cleaning around the apartment, the trash and excessive items just.. well.. pile up. We've gotten rather creative at places to hide it, in corners, out on the porch, under the windows. So, after a few weeks, I guess it was time to take out the trash, because, well the porch, kitchen, and dinning room were both filled up. (4 weeks to be exact)

One of the design flaws of our apartment complex, though, is that it is actually a 1/4 mile walk, down and back to the dumpster. Our apartment building being the longest distance from either of the dumpsters. Rather than partake in the 5 trips that would be required, totaling over a mile of burdened walking, we decided to take the engineering approach. Enter the TRASH TRAILER!

While it may just look like a worthless bracket, this represents the greatest competitive win I have ever had! Last Sat. Josh and I met up with Frank to tackle the Finnegan Invitational Beiruit tournament. We found the name "Hazemasters" rather fitting as we were all previous pledge masters. Although we didn't consider ourselves a 'shoe in', actually far from it, but we at least considered ourselves good enough to make it through the first few rounds, that was until we saw our first match up:

So Sat. was the trip to Castelli's for his birthday. Things were running behind schedule, and after a stop at quizno's for lunch (gawd i love quizno's), we got to Hoboken in horrible time. (Damn NJ Turnpike) Apparently there was an influx of people wishing to travel from Philly to NYC. To quote Kevin Smith, "Never underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State." Also, I couldn't help but keep quoting James, "Welcome to the Garden State, Get in on this rainbow!" On the upside, we passed a Ford Econoline that was occupied to capacity with mentally handicapped people, commonly referred to as a "Van full 'o retards". In gridded traffic, it was good for a laugh. (It's an AC song, if you missed the reference).

Cyanne came out to visit me and together we had the chance to complete what I had written down as one of my personal goals a little over a month ago. We went out to the HMS Dedalus and went for a pair of powerless flights around the Lee-on-the-Solent area.

It was a total blast. There is a possibility if I 'keep it up' in the next few months I might be able to solo by the end of the year. I have to weigh the value of that, but it was certainly worth it!

That's right, I cooked dinner.

This is my attempt at General Tso's. I followed the recipe to the letter, but I fear the recipe is too health oriented and lacks the MSG, slimy goodness that you can normally find in the states. That being said, I put some fresh organic chili flakes on it and it didn't turn out that bad. I guess I have some learning to do though. Looks appetizing though, no? Really the only reason I am posting this is for my mother, unless any of you ladies are interested in a romantic dinner...